so contagious

it’s past 3 am and i cant sleep. at first it was the drama of the day, of the week. i’ve layed here and tried find some comfort to bring sleep to my mind. i saw the stack of belongings i had claimed as mine that were my grandmother’s. i’ve read a lot of the books she had. i hate reading, but just the thought of her hands touching the same pages brings me comfort.

it’s odd because now in my “adult” years i dont think of her often. i become so overwhelmed with emotions when i do. when i think of her voice i start crying because i miss it. i miss her smell. i guess that’s why i smell every book before reading it. she was a true angel. everything about her represents grace and wisdom and love to me. every memory i have of her is so warm and blissful. i had her for the first 10 years of my life. sometimes i feel so angry with God that He would take away someone who was so good to have on earth. she was so selfless. it’s even more odd that i cant remember a lot about being young but i remember her like i saw her yesterday even though she’s been dead for 12 years. i even remember the song that played on the radio as we drove to columbus, ga that night to the hospital. i hate it to this day…how can i live with you by leanne rymes. i didnt cry from ages 10 to 16. all i can do is cry like a baby right now as i type this and think about her.

i look at this house and i feel her here. she left us the money we used to invest it into the property. on her death bed she told my dad to build me and my mom a house. sometimes i dream that i walk downstairs and she is sitting in the living room. my dad has too. even my mom. it’s weird but she all over this house.

i think mostly she is in our hearts. i cant forget her. i will never forget her. as long as i live she will live. i will never stop reading these books. i will never stop smelling them. i will never stop appreciating her.

as the years go by her memory and legend just grows…